Looking Back.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I'm sure many creative people would agree: looking back on work you did in the past can be painful - and painfully embarrassing. I often have a hard time reading things I wrote years, months, days, or even hours ago (my high school journals, described below, fall into this category without question). More on the notion of looking back, this week on the Equals Record. 


As always, an excerpt: "In high school, I filled two large, spiral-bound books with what I referred to as my thoughts on 'reality, rebellion, and rock ‘n’ roll.' I wrote extravagant, long-winded essays – all by hand, a feat I can hardly fathom now – on art, and music, and the meaning of life. I cataloged regrets, made lists of goals, and — because I was, in the end, a teenager — diligently made note of each and every movement made by the floppy-haired boy who sat behind me in math. (Taped to one page of the journal was a tiny balled-up clump of paper he threw in class one day, intending to hit the back of a friend’s head. It landed on my desk instead and I saved it, convinced its altered course was a sign.)"


Read the rest on the Equals Record, here. You can find past entries from my weekly column, Looking Forward (about the ups and downs of "growing up" in my twenties), here. Thank you so much for reading!

Bottom image via Boheme Extreme. If you know the original source, please share! 

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13 comments:

Jacquelyn | lark&linen said...

you are adorable. I love that you saved the little ball of paper. I recently found a journal of mine from highschool and am so ashamed at some of the things written in there. I like to think that I've always been a nice person, but man kids are MEAN sometimes! Even if it is only written in private

wmbg. said...

i FEEL YOU. i found some old binders of 'poems' and 'love journals' i'd written as a teenager and they make me laugh and cringe at the same time.

Melissa said...

Being a teenager is a rough several years! I have the same embarrassing relics from those days. It's going to take a few more years until I am willing to accept it as a valid growing experience though :)

Rincy said...

These are my favorite posts on your blog! Your voice is your own, very strong and true. And unbelievably relatable. I am such a fan :)

hiladil said...

I tend to write in my journal and then promptly rip out the pages I just wrote because the thought of someone else reading them would be too mortifying. I have stacks of journals with half the pages ripped out! I love reading your pieces! I look forward to reading your future ones.

Shoko said...

Thank you, guys!

Jacquelyn, I know what you mean! We go through so many phases growing up...it's all part of becoming a better person in the end!

Rincy, what an amazing compliment. Thank you so, so much.

Hilary, I do that, too! And thank you so much - I'm so happy to know you like them!

fromtheloftabove said...

you have a beautiful way with words :) i can definitely relate to your sentiments!

L▲UR▲ said...

i found my diary from my highschool, and also a shared diary with my girl friends back then when i went back to my home country and i brought them with me and i don't know what to do with them :S most of the things i wrote back then were just embarrassing and i don't want anyone to read it ever! and yes even just as small as my old blog posts... sometimes i feel like deleting them. so i completely can relate to this!

Carol ::inadditiontoCarol:: said...

I can feel this post. I'm so understanding what you wrote. I guess it's part of the process of being a creative person, it takes a long time to accept ourselves just as we are (if we reach that anytime!), and criticising our work is "glued" to every single day of our lives.

Wishing you a great weekend! xoxo

Shoko said...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, guys. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this! :)

Lisa said...

Shoko, I just left a longer comment over on TER, but I also wanted to stop by here, and let you know how much I enjoyed your post. You're wonderful! :)

Shoko said...

Thank you, Lisa! That is so sweet.

Chuzai Living said...

Even a good writer like you feel that way? In my case, not only the writing but also the photos I posted on my blog sometimes give me the pain. I guess it's the passage of growth.

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